There were so many warnings- all of which I naturally decided to disregard, as a teenager, as a girl, as a [somewhat] carefree individual, as me. Whoopsies. Probably should have listened.

As you know, I’m an avid television watcher. I’ve witnessed every single possible plotline a writer could ever innovate, but at this point, all plots are just recycled versions of each other. Anyway, the point is that in the drama department, the following plotline has been used to its death: girls and guys become jaded by their past and they give up hope for the future. They become disenchanted by our childhood vision of love, what love’s supposed to be, what it’s supposed to feel like.
I’ve seen this in so many shows and movies and never quite understood how someone gets so jaded that they just give up. I thought it was just a story line used to heighten the drama of high school life and characterize teenagers as being more dimensional than they really are. Until I became just as jaded as Peyton on One Tree Hill or Meredith on Grey’s Anatomy.

It’s unfortunate that I was recycled in the same fashion that story lines are recycled over and over again. Recycled over and over until I became a part of a very familiar and even comfortable cycle.

Not to dumb-down this blog even more by introducing serious concepts with amateur illustrations, but look at Audrina and Justin Bobby. She let Justin recycle her over and over again for four plus years until she was fooled that it was normal, what he was doing, and all the red flags became grey flags with neutral or no meaning.

The red flags in my life became grey as well…this only contributed to the inevitable construction of my big grey walls.

So now I’m just a Grinch who doesn’t let people in.
PERSONAL INVENTION!!! This cannot go on.

Don’t know what to say now, mostly because I don’t know what to do after recognizing the fact that I can’t keep putting walls around myself.
Guess the next blog will be a documentation of progress…or stagnant complacency…who knows.
Figured that the first thing is to recognize the disease someone else introduced to me, but I chose to incubate.

Hopefully I will find people and events in the following year that will help me realize that I’ve been missing out on so much by being inside my dark tower.
Onto bigger and better things in 2010. Cheers.

Some new years’ resolutions of mine
1) Read a book a month. January is almost over…and I have yet to read a book. Must finish a book within this week…probably won’t happen so let’s start this in February….(eeek, short month.)
2) Brainstorm. One of the things I want to do before I die is write a book. Ambitious, I know. Maybe even setting myself up for disappointment, but I’ve always wanted to write a book. Whether it be a children’s book, a fiction book for pleasure, or a nonfiction one, I want to arrange words on paper the way I style them and then share the art I create.
3) Give People the Benefit of the Doubt: usually this comes back to bite me in the ass so it turned me into a person who doesn’t give chances or jumps to conclusions. In the new year, I will try to give people the benefit of the doubt…
4) Give Things my 100%…or at least 98%: one of the biggest character flaws I have is that I don’t give anything my all. And I mean anything. I never ever give 100% and it bugs the hell out of me, but I’m so lazy sometimes. I always accomplish short of my potential, and I know it. Time to shape up and reach for the stars.
5) Find the long road back to my Father: that one’s simple (in statement) and complicated (in execution).